Speed Bump and Soul Bench


"I live by faith and not by sight
Sometimes miracles take time."

I didn’t even see it coming.... just walking out to the car after the game, when there I was, flat out on the pavement.
I wasn’t watching my feet...
I didn’t see the speed bump.

And boy, did it ever hurt!!! My knees, my hands, my elbows, my chest, my lip, my nose, and ... my dignity?

 I cried.

What happened anyway?!!??
Besides the fact that I tripped over a speed bump and my weak triceps couldn't catch me, and a car sat there with its headlights on me, waiting until I got out of the way.....

It was like reality hit me in the face again. The realization that I’m ... what, fragile maybe? (Oh no - I just looked up the definition of fragile, “easily broken, damaged or destroyed” - could that be me?!?!!)  I’m not sure what I would call it, but it’s not pleasant to think about.

 It’s actually painful.

It’s like I’m out there in the game, but something's not quite clicking, so I need to come out, sit on the bench and think about it. Take a time out.

 
And I find Psalm 77.

I cried and He listened...
I sought Him continually in my pain, but my soul refused to be comforted... 
I was troubled, I complained, my spirit was overwhelmed.

 Selah.
(Stop.  And listen.)

You keep me awake...
I’m so troubled I have no words.
I remember my song in the night.
I search my heart and my spirit.
And I have a lot of questions,
Will He ever show favor again?
Does He still love me?
What about His promises?
His grace?
His compassion?

Selah.
(Stop.  And listen.)

Can I say, This is my infirmity and even if my pain and my circumstances never change,
 I will remember His works, His wonders, all the great things He does.
 I will meditate on His works and talk about what He does.

So for now, I’m on the bench, and in the presence of my Coach, I listen and wait.

While I Wait I Will Worship

“Though I don’t understand it,
I will worship with my pain.
Though I don’t have all the answers,
Still I trust Him all the same.”

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

1000 Gifts

Image
About 13 years ago, my daughter, Jenna, told me about this amazing book that was all about gratitude and giving thanks. She kept talking about it and so I bought it… 1000 Gifts, by Ann Voskamp.  Life was busy, there was lots going on as our daughter Adrienne had just got engaged. I finally started reading the book, and it really challenged me — Give thanks in everything! Make a list, write three things every day, be thankful in every circumstance!!   But then, on December 31, 2011, our granddaughter, Janae, was born.  In Virginia.  Emergency c-section.  Meconium aspiration.  Rushed to NICU  Worked over her for hours No news for more hours.  And finally we heard, she’s being life flighted to UVA in Charlottesville.   I cried.  I put that book away.  I would not and could not give thanks for this!!   We had planned a trip to Virgina in mid January to meet the baby and have a belated family Christmas celebration! Steven and Jenna ...
Read more

Twenty Years of Teenage Daughters

Image
When you have a mother-daughter night at the coast with your youngest daughter, who has somehow reached the age of 21, and you suddenly realize that over the last thirty some years you have raised FIVE daughters to adulthood, (with the help of an amazing husband and a merciful, gracious,  heavenly Father),  it's time to stop and think about the way He leads.  Our oldest daughter turned 13 the year our youngest daughter was born.  That means for 20 years, we've had teenage daughters, AND I've been a 14-year-old girl's mom for five years!  There have been hard days and hard months and hard years.  And while I thank God for all those years, mostly I'm thankful for the present. Because having daughters isn't all tea parties and mall shopping and Instagram moments.  No. No, it isn't, There are hard days of sudden outbursts or sullen silences, of slamming doors and flying objects. Days when they would retreat to ...
Read more

Christmas Letter 2019

Image
I started this letter early enough to send with our family pictures, which I had picked up from Costco the first week of December, but as I attempted to get it done in time to mail out before Christmas, it became obvious that it was not going to happen.  The envelopes were finally addressed two weeks after Christmas and pictures were mailed without the letter, which I decided would just become a blog post.... hopefully getting finished before the end of January. But February works, too.       December 19, 2019 I've been having a hard time figuring out how to recap our year... I was going to write The Letter on my flight home from Ontario last week, but I got lost on Memory Lane as I went through a year's worth of pictures on my phone to see what we did, and before I knew it I was in Eugene, Oregon! ... Now I'm sitting here at Beaver Sports Medicine, waiting for Justin to come out of surgery.  He hurt  his knee at a trampoline park ...
Read more