Twenty Years of Teenage Daughters
When you have a mother-daughter night at the coast with your youngest daughter, who has somehow reached the age of 21, and you suddenly realize that over the last thirty some years you have raised FIVE daughters to adulthood, (with the help of an amazing husband and a merciful, gracious, heavenly Father), it's time to stop and think about the way He leads.
Our oldest daughter turned 13 the year our youngest daughter was born. That means for 20 years, we've had teenage daughters, AND I've been a 14-year-old girl's mom for five years!
There have been hard days and hard months and hard years. And while I thank God for all those years, mostly I'm thankful for the present. Because having daughters isn't all tea parties and mall shopping and Instagram moments. No. No, it isn't,
There are hard days of sudden outbursts or sullen silences, of slamming doors and flying objects. Days when they would retreat to the barn and pour out their woes to the horses. Nights of tears over broken relationships, misunderstandings, hurts and "you just don't understand!" ...sudden flashbacks to my own teenage years and I know exactly what they're going through, but they won't believe it when I try to tell them.
There are changes that are hard to accept, like when your sister comes back from Bible school and she's different, or when yet another guy comes courting another sister. Why do things have to change? Who do they think they are to come along and turn our lives upside down?! One of them even dared to sign the guestbook, "The Sister Snatcher"!!
It's hard when they get married and move 3000 miles away, hard on all of us! The night we said good-bye to our first daughter was quite dramatic. We gathered in the living room and had a time of prayer and then hugged and cried... and cried...and cried some more, until the poor son-in-law began to apologize!! It's almost funny now!!
Oh the emotions! I went to their room one night and all four girls were crying in their own corners about four different things! Yes, we are really good at crying!! But....we are even better at laughing together!! I love to laugh with my girls, it is one of life's greatest gifts! And maybe that is one of the keys to healthy mother-daughter relationships. If somewhere in the mess, you can get to the place where you have enough in common to see some humor! Yes! Laugh together. A lot!
We've worked hard together, we used to plant a big garden and sell produce. The girls would pick up rocks, then help plant, weed, pick and sell!! We would can green beans and tomatoes, make large batches of salsa and pizza sauce, cut corn off the cob for the freezer, can applesauce, peaches and pears. One summer we listened to the six hours of Pilgrims Progress on more than one day of canning!!!
For 7 or 8 years we baked for the Courtney Creek Craft Show twice a year, the two weeks before Mother's Day and the two weeks after Thanksgiving. Cookies, yeast breads, sour cream twists, sweet bread, and lots of other random things. One day we baked over 100 dozen cookies in our two convection ovens. For a couple summers we sold produce and baked goods at a local farmers market. Even now, Janelle does baking for a local show a couple weekends over the holidays.
And babies, the girls loved the babies! When the two oldest were maybe 11 and 9, they actually kept track of who got to change diapers and even convinced me to let them use cloth diapers and promised to do all the diaper laundry!! They were so excited every time we told them we were expecting again, and always hoped for twins!! One time one of them asked if we could "have a black baby this time"!!
We love to shop together, any kind of shopping, the mall, thrift stores, and especially Black Friday, because it's tradition! And we love to do lunch, we have a special table at Panda Express where we go to talk about boys.
We'd take M&M's and Pepsi to the sewing machines on the upstairs landing, and often there would be another sister in the bedroom or sitting at the top of the stairs. We've had deep discussions about hard things, but also heard hilarious stories and laughed so hard all sewing ceased!! We've stayed up very late at night to finish up the wardrobe of the sister who is leaving for Bible School and we still have a tendency to do last minute sewing projects!!
We've had 'daughter weddings" in 2007, 2010, 2012 and 2016 and it seems about the time you adjust to one being gone, another one leaves! It doesn't get any easier watching them load their earthly goods into a trailer and driving out the driveway to move across the country. But I am so thankful, our Father has matched each one perfectly and they are walking in Spirit and in Truth in their respective communities. A few years ago, Peter and Brianna moved back to Oregon, and we love have grandchildren close by! Our smart phones keep us all connected with pictures and videos of the cutest grandchildren and voice messages telling of the wonderful ways He keeps working!
* * *
Maybe the biggest reason we have a close relationship is because of the hard things we've been through. We all have experienced different kinds of deep pain that has broken us and nearly taken us out. Any parent knows how difficult it is to watch your child go through painful situations. I remember one night, as we discussed the struggle of one of our daughters, we again came to the place of "wait, pray, trust". I went to bed and as I lay there praying, the peace of God overwhelmed me in an incredible way, and I knew that He was working and He would take care of it! I am just so thankful that by the grace of God and the prayers of His people we are in a place of healing today. I am convinced that praying for and with our children is vital for relationships with them!
Recently Allen Roth spoke at church about child training , and he mentioned two things that he wishes he'd have done differently. If my memory serves me correctly, one was that in discipline, he would have taken more time and tried to understand what the child was reacting to. What was at the root of their misbehavior? The second thing was, as the children got older, to have discussion with them about why we have a standard of behavior. Instead of just making rules, let them ask questions and show them what the Bible has to say and how it applies to us. Yes and yes.
There are many things we would do differently if we could do life over. Maybe we worked too much. Maybe we didn't listen enough. Maybe we should have... But we can't change the past, It's done and over, so we forget those things which are behind and press on to what is ahead! Our Father brings redemption and makes all things new!
Isaiah 43:19 says,
"For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun!
Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland." NLT
It is the way He leads.
Some through the water, some through the flood,
Some through the fire, but all through the blood.
Some through great sorrow, but God gives a song,
In the night season and all the day long.
Our oldest daughter turned 13 the year our youngest daughter was born. That means for 20 years, we've had teenage daughters, AND I've been a 14-year-old girl's mom for five years!
There have been hard days and hard months and hard years. And while I thank God for all those years, mostly I'm thankful for the present. Because having daughters isn't all tea parties and mall shopping and Instagram moments. No. No, it isn't,
There are hard days of sudden outbursts or sullen silences, of slamming doors and flying objects. Days when they would retreat to the barn and pour out their woes to the horses. Nights of tears over broken relationships, misunderstandings, hurts and "you just don't understand!" ...sudden flashbacks to my own teenage years and I know exactly what they're going through, but they won't believe it when I try to tell them.
There are changes that are hard to accept, like when your sister comes back from Bible school and she's different, or when yet another guy comes courting another sister. Why do things have to change? Who do they think they are to come along and turn our lives upside down?! One of them even dared to sign the guestbook, "The Sister Snatcher"!!
It's hard when they get married and move 3000 miles away, hard on all of us! The night we said good-bye to our first daughter was quite dramatic. We gathered in the living room and had a time of prayer and then hugged and cried... and cried...and cried some more, until the poor son-in-law began to apologize!! It's almost funny now!!
Oh the emotions! I went to their room one night and all four girls were crying in their own corners about four different things! Yes, we are really good at crying!! But....we are even better at laughing together!! I love to laugh with my girls, it is one of life's greatest gifts! And maybe that is one of the keys to healthy mother-daughter relationships. If somewhere in the mess, you can get to the place where you have enough in common to see some humor! Yes! Laugh together. A lot!
We've worked hard together, we used to plant a big garden and sell produce. The girls would pick up rocks, then help plant, weed, pick and sell!! We would can green beans and tomatoes, make large batches of salsa and pizza sauce, cut corn off the cob for the freezer, can applesauce, peaches and pears. One summer we listened to the six hours of Pilgrims Progress on more than one day of canning!!!
For 7 or 8 years we baked for the Courtney Creek Craft Show twice a year, the two weeks before Mother's Day and the two weeks after Thanksgiving. Cookies, yeast breads, sour cream twists, sweet bread, and lots of other random things. One day we baked over 100 dozen cookies in our two convection ovens. For a couple summers we sold produce and baked goods at a local farmers market. Even now, Janelle does baking for a local show a couple weekends over the holidays.
And babies, the girls loved the babies! When the two oldest were maybe 11 and 9, they actually kept track of who got to change diapers and even convinced me to let them use cloth diapers and promised to do all the diaper laundry!! They were so excited every time we told them we were expecting again, and always hoped for twins!! One time one of them asked if we could "have a black baby this time"!!
We love to shop together, any kind of shopping, the mall, thrift stores, and especially Black Friday, because it's tradition! And we love to do lunch, we have a special table at Panda Express where we go to talk about boys.
We'd take M&M's and Pepsi to the sewing machines on the upstairs landing, and often there would be another sister in the bedroom or sitting at the top of the stairs. We've had deep discussions about hard things, but also heard hilarious stories and laughed so hard all sewing ceased!! We've stayed up very late at night to finish up the wardrobe of the sister who is leaving for Bible School and we still have a tendency to do last minute sewing projects!!
We've had 'daughter weddings" in 2007, 2010, 2012 and 2016 and it seems about the time you adjust to one being gone, another one leaves! It doesn't get any easier watching them load their earthly goods into a trailer and driving out the driveway to move across the country. But I am so thankful, our Father has matched each one perfectly and they are walking in Spirit and in Truth in their respective communities. A few years ago, Peter and Brianna moved back to Oregon, and we love have grandchildren close by! Our smart phones keep us all connected with pictures and videos of the cutest grandchildren and voice messages telling of the wonderful ways He keeps working!
* * *
Maybe the biggest reason we have a close relationship is because of the hard things we've been through. We all have experienced different kinds of deep pain that has broken us and nearly taken us out. Any parent knows how difficult it is to watch your child go through painful situations. I remember one night, as we discussed the struggle of one of our daughters, we again came to the place of "wait, pray, trust". I went to bed and as I lay there praying, the peace of God overwhelmed me in an incredible way, and I knew that He was working and He would take care of it! I am just so thankful that by the grace of God and the prayers of His people we are in a place of healing today. I am convinced that praying for and with our children is vital for relationships with them!
Recently Allen Roth spoke at church about child training , and he mentioned two things that he wishes he'd have done differently. If my memory serves me correctly, one was that in discipline, he would have taken more time and tried to understand what the child was reacting to. What was at the root of their misbehavior? The second thing was, as the children got older, to have discussion with them about why we have a standard of behavior. Instead of just making rules, let them ask questions and show them what the Bible has to say and how it applies to us. Yes and yes.
There are many things we would do differently if we could do life over. Maybe we worked too much. Maybe we didn't listen enough. Maybe we should have... But we can't change the past, It's done and over, so we forget those things which are behind and press on to what is ahead! Our Father brings redemption and makes all things new!
Isaiah 43:19 says,
"For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun!
Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland." NLT
It is the way He leads.
Some through the water, some through the flood,
Some through the fire, but all through the blood.
Some through great sorrow, but God gives a song,
In the night season and all the day long.
Jenna, Janelle, Camille, Brianna, Adrienne
(These five daughters have four brothers, but I will save the sons' post for another day!!)
Beautiful story.
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